My mother has always been a great source of emotional support in my life. I admire her strength very much and how she has been able to guide and mold me into the person I am today. However, there are moments of introspection where you realize that other people’s words alone cannot help. You have to find your own path in life and somehow use the tools you were given to make sense of it all. There was a time not too long ago when I felt unmotivated. I was not sure of where I was going or what I was doing with my life. Was I lost? To a certain extent yes. Maybe not physically but when it came to what I felt was my purpose, that was definitely a mystery. I didn’t know where I was going. There were moment’s where I thought I did but it never seemed right. There was always something that felt forced, like I was making myself enjoy what I was doing. But once you’re three years into a bachelor’s degree it’s kind of scary to start all over again.
Somehow following my heart seemed like a mistake. At least that’s what most people kept telling me. “Why would you change now you only have one year left.” “But all the classes you’ve taken, they would have been a waste of time.” “You won’t get any money off of that, finish what you’re studying, that way your future is secure.” These are the things people kept saying to scare me into doing what they think is right. But the truth is, I don’t care how long it takes me to finish my degree, or how much more profitable other degrees are. As long as I am studying something that I like, that I feel enriches me as a person, lets me grow and discover the world in a way I enjoy, then who cares about time. To me it’s more about quality than quantity. And that applies to money, time, and friends. Money is not the goal, it can never be the goal. The fact is that I have finally decided to do something for myself. I have chosen a path and am now going to work twice as hard to achieve what I want, and I will prove to all the non-believers, the “trash talkers” the negative people that I have allowed to steer my life, that I am in control. I am doing what I want to do, I am succeeding, and I am happy.
Now, to the purpose of this paper. Explaining how I reached these conclusions, in what moment I reached my epiphany and who helped me during this journey. Well of course support from your closest friends and family members is important but, as I said before, it is not the only thing you need. Reflection and meditation are also key elements of personal growth. First I will start by explaining the where and how.
One day, about four months ago, I was feeling very down about my whole academic situation. Studying something I really am not passionate about got me into a very unmotivated and somewhat depressive state. So I decided to go over to a friends house to talk, watch television and hang out. While in her room I noticed that a pile of books she always has in a corner had toppled over. She was in the bathroom so I started to pick them up and organize them a bit. While doing this one of the books caught my attention. It was titled Intimacy: Trusting Oneself and the Other by Osho. Even though the title immediately let me know it was a self-help book, there was something about it that seemed different. I read the back, two first pages and then put it back down. Once I got home I became curious about the author, so I did a little research. I discovered that he had a series of books all targeted to different areas. Some that focused on relationships, others for business men and women and then there were the ones I bought. Maturity: the responsibility of being Oneself, Creativity: Unleashing the forces within, and finally the first one I read, Courage: The Joy Of Living Dangerously.
I started with this book because I had noticed a pattern in my life, one of fear and hesitation that I wanted to break. Fear always held me back; fear of failure, disappointment, even fear of fear itself. While reading these books I realized that I am my biggest obstacle. Fear is the only thing that has kept me from living my life. The only thing between me and success, me and my goals, and ultimately, me and my happiness. I realized that it is good to be cautious, but not to the point where you stop enjoying all that life has to offer.
The Author:
Osho, who was also known throughout his life as Chandra Mohan Jain, Acharya Rajneesh and Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, was born December 11th 1931. He received a masters degree in philosophy form the University of Saugar and later taught philosophy at the university of Jabalpur for nine years. In 1966 he left his profession as a teacher and put all his time into teaching and guiding sannyasins or “disciples” while pursuing a career as a type of motivational speaker. Throughout his life he acted as a spiritual teacher, guide and friend. In 1974 he moved from Bombay to Pune (South of India) to establish a place of teaching called “ashram”. In his teachings he would combine aspects of Hinduism, Jainism, Zen Buddhism, Taoism, Christianity, ancient Greek Philosophy, as well as many other religious and philosophic traditions.
In 1980 he was attacked by a Hindu fundamentalist during one of his morning speeches and had to be treated immediately. This, although a very difficult incident, did not steer him away from his goals. In 1981 Osho left India and went to the United States to receive treatment for certain health problems he had developed later on . There has been a lot of controversy behind Osho’s teachings, mainly because of many personal problems he had to face. His marital, financial and religious matters have clearly upset many and distorted his image in the past. But one thing is certain, his teachings have had a positive impact on many who have read his books and I have personally benefited from the teachings he has left behind. As I learned in one of my courses last semester: “ Just because the police officer does not wear his seatbelt does not mean you shouldn’t wear it.” What I mean by this is that even tough he had a somewhat tumultuous personal life we shouldn’t say that there is nothing to gain from his work.
Some of Osho’s beliefs that really impacted me are:
1. National, religious, gender and racial divisions are destructive.
2. Change as well as happiness both come from within.
3. Life is a constant university provided by the universe.
4. Theories can be borrowed but experiences cannot. This means that no one can live your life for you, only you can see, smell, feel, enjoy the world and all it has to offer.
5. If you are constantly in fear of the world, then how can you expect yourself to enjoy it?
6. You can not live in the future or in the past all you have is the now, so you should enjoy it.
This last point is one that has truly changed the way I view life and has helped me overcome many obstacles. I fully understand that your experiences in the past form who you are today but through his teachings I have slowly learned to live in the moment and not have as much fear of the uncertainty the future holds or hold on to the past so tightly that you can’t move forward. As he wrote in one of his books: “Do not make tomorrow predictable. Expect nothing, be ready for everything, and enjoy every living moment.” Now, I feel I must clarify that he is not saying you should not have some sort of plan, some objective, something that motivates you to be better. It just means you cannot live with your head in the future, because you’ll miss the present. Instead of getting frustrated over what you do not have, enjoy what you do.
Lastly, mistakes are not a bad thing. The point of mistakes is that you learn from them and never make them again. This is how you grow into a more mature, well-rounded human being. One phrase that I have kept with me through this journey is: “ It does not matter that the whole world is against me. What matters is that my experience is valid.” We live through experiences and each experience has a lesson to teach us. It is up to us if we listen or just ignore it and stay comfortably yet miserably where we are. Yes it is difficult and scary to go out into the world not knowing what to expect but you just have to trust that you can handle any situation you are faced with. That trust in yourself is what is going to push you out into the world and help you feel more alive. I truly believe that because of this man, his books and his view on life I have become more resilient. I have been able to slowly break out of my shell and realize that there is nothing to fear. Life truly is a mystery and I don’t think anyone will ever have a detailed map of how you should go about it. But all I know is that for now, this is working for me. I am myself, and that is all I ever need to be.
